Ironic

I'm about to enjoy my cup of coffee. Half coffee, half steamed vanilla soy milk= a soy misto. It's my all time favorite coffee drink, and it's so simple to make. I open the fridge...

Shoot! No soy milk? I forgot that I used the rest of it yesterday. What to do? That almond milk has been there since last year, but maybe it ages well? Nope, it smells like play-Doh, so I put it back in the fridge. "Huff!" I drop my arms towards floor. It's 7:34 in the morning, and I have to leave for class at 8. Safeway is just around the corner. They have those self-check out stands, the ones that replace people. I'm super fast at those. I could be out of there in 5 minutes, 3 if I stay focused.

I throw on my slippers and jacket, then rev up my Mazda. "Please don't make that noise. Please, please, please! I promise I'll get that belt fixed if you'll stop making that high pitched screeching noise." It's getting worse. People are starting to stare and cover their ears when I drive by.

(Later at Safeway)

I'm passing down the beer, cheese and wine isle when I see it: "Lowest prices EVER for Kendall Jackson." Focus Sarah. Stay on task! I grab my soy milk and walk briskly towards the people replacers. CLOSED. All of them. I grumble and walk over to the only open register when this old lady bolts in front of me. Oh, I think to myself, go ahead. That's totally fair. She has 3 things, and I have one. One box of soy milk. It's already been at least 4 minutes and there are 5 people in front of me. A page goes over the intercom, and another cashier motions to us. "I can help the next customer over here." I heard myself say, "Go ahead" to the old Lady. She won't take long, and I'm next in line after her. In slow motion she pulls out her wallet, and starts writing a check. I kept waiting for the cashier to say, “Sorry we don't take checks". But she just stood there. Both the cashier and I are staring at the slow motion of the pen in her hands. "Is this your first time?" I wanted to say. The cashier looks up at me, "I'll be right with you"she says. "Oh it's OK". I lie. It's been like 7 minutes easily. "Have you used these checks before?" asks the cashier as she's scanning the check for the 5Th time. Of course it's not working. The cashier reaches for the phone, and there's my que to exit the line.

I'm frantically searching for an open register. Ah ha! The man is gathering his things. He's outa here. Nope, nope he’s good friends with the cashier. They're talking about his son, and something about a BBQ, and a dog, and blah blah blah. I'm laughing. Laughing feels like the only logical thing to do.

I'm up! We do that, "Hi how are you" thing Americans do, and she scans my milk. I thrust my $5 at her. Why isn't she taking my money? She's just staring at me over her glasses like I'm an idiot. "Club Card?" She says. "OH." I forgot to punch in my number. Now I'm the jerk holding up the line. The "8" on the keypad is stuck and there's like five "8's" in my phone number. The person behind me lets out a over dramatic sigh as I repeatedly punch the "8" on the key pad.

"Sorry" I say through my teeth.