I raised the fork to my mouth and opened wide to accommodate the perfectly balanced bite of salad. Lettuce, tomato, chicken, feta cheese and cucumber all creatively smooshed together and dangling off my fork. I had to cock my head to the side just to fit everything in. That's how food is meant to be devoured. Big bites. The kind that you have to lean into quickly so you don't drop it on your shirt. I'm famous for dropping things on my shirt. I'm not at all ashamed to admit that I'm a spiller. I've always been a spiller, and I probably always will be.
If I had a dime for every time I spilled something as a kid I'd be a freakin' millionaire. I'm not kidding. A glass could be sitting 5 feet away from me, and somehow I'd still manage to knock it over. It was truly amazing. "Uh-oh", I'd say, and look up at my father with big baby doll eyes. He'd give me the look while breathing heavily through his nostrils, disappointment oozing from every pore in his body. I'd close my eyes, bite my lip and get the paper towels. You'd think the guy would shrug it off because it happened ALL THE TIME. You'd think I'd get used to his reaction and shrug it off, but it broke my heart. I cried. Every time I spilled something my heart broke and I'd hide my tears while I cleaned it up. My face burned with embarrassment as he watched me wipe my mess. I remember feeling so frustrated. I tried so damn hard not to knock stuff over, but the harder I tried the more I failed. Maybe he thought I was doing it on purpose just to piss him off. All I wanted was to have my dad smile at me all the time. I wanted him to say, "it's ok darlin, I'm not mad at you." If my dad was upset with me, my world was shattered. I'm not just being dramatic here either. He had the most influence over my heart as a kid.
Then one day, something funny happened. He was upset at me for something, and we weren't speaking. I'm guessing I was around 12 because I had that spunky pre-teen attitude. He was at the sink rinsing dishes with his back to me. I opened the fridge, grabbed the grape smucker's jelly jar and somehow smashed the bottom of the glass jar against the metal door handle.I stood back and watched all the jelly plop out on our kitchen floor. I watched my dad whip his head around to see the mess on the floor, the look on my face, and broken jar still in my hand. As soon as he turned around to face the sink I bursted out in laughter. The sound of the jelly hitting the floor was too much to take. It sounded like something out of a cartoon. I laughed even harder trying to figure out how these freak accidents happened to me. I felt happy all over from head to toe as I stood there laughing, and three seconds later my sister came over and nervously laughed along with me. She must have thought I'd gone crazy. Dad just ignored us both, but I didn't care anymore. I chose not to care. Caring if he was annoyed with me would just suck the fun right out of life, and I couldn't let that happen. Something else besides the jelly jar broke that day. His power to make me happy or sad ended, and then I got fiesty.
I've actually brought this up with my dad, and he's apologized for his reactions. He's not even sure why he got so upset, but he knows he shouldn't have. Besides, since he's getting older, he's the one spilling stuff on himself. I just close my eyes and smile at the irony of how things turn out.
The end
Monday, April 13, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Ironic
I'm about to enjoy my cup of coffee. Half coffee, half steamed vanilla soy milk= a soy misto. It's my all time favorite coffee drink, and it's so simple to make. I open the fridge...
Shoot! No soy milk? I forgot that I used the rest of it yesterday. What to do? That almond milk has been there since last year, but maybe it ages well? Nope, it smells like play-Doh, so I put it back in the fridge. "Huff!" I drop my arms towards floor. It's 7:34 in the morning, and I have to leave for class at 8. Safeway is just around the corner. They have those self-check out stands, the ones that replace people. I'm super fast at those. I could be out of there in 5 minutes, 3 if I stay focused.
I throw on my slippers and jacket, then rev up my Mazda. "Please don't make that noise. Please, please, please! I promise I'll get that belt fixed if you'll stop making that high pitched screeching noise." It's getting worse. People are starting to stare and cover their ears when I drive by.
(Later at Safeway)
I'm passing down the beer, cheese and wine isle when I see it: "Lowest prices EVER for Kendall Jackson." Focus Sarah. Stay on task! I grab my soy milk and walk briskly towards the people replacers. CLOSED. All of them. I grumble and walk over to the only open register when this old lady bolts in front of me. Oh, I think to myself, go ahead. That's totally fair. She has 3 things, and I have one. One box of soy milk. It's already been at least 4 minutes and there are 5 people in front of me. A page goes over the intercom, and another cashier motions to us. "I can help the next customer over here." I heard myself say, "Go ahead" to the old Lady. She won't take long, and I'm next in line after her. In slow motion she pulls out her wallet, and starts writing a check. I kept waiting for the cashier to say, “Sorry we don't take checks". But she just stood there. Both the cashier and I are staring at the slow motion of the pen in her hands. "Is this your first time?" I wanted to say. The cashier looks up at me, "I'll be right with you"she says. "Oh it's OK". I lie. It's been like 7 minutes easily. "Have you used these checks before?" asks the cashier as she's scanning the check for the 5Th time. Of course it's not working. The cashier reaches for the phone, and there's my que to exit the line.
I'm frantically searching for an open register. Ah ha! The man is gathering his things. He's outa here. Nope, nope he’s good friends with the cashier. They're talking about his son, and something about a BBQ, and a dog, and blah blah blah. I'm laughing. Laughing feels like the only logical thing to do.
I'm up! We do that, "Hi how are you" thing Americans do, and she scans my milk. I thrust my $5 at her. Why isn't she taking my money? She's just staring at me over her glasses like I'm an idiot. "Club Card?" She says. "OH." I forgot to punch in my number. Now I'm the jerk holding up the line. The "8" on the keypad is stuck and there's like five "8's" in my phone number. The person behind me lets out a over dramatic sigh as I repeatedly punch the "8" on the key pad.
"Sorry" I say through my teeth.
Shoot! No soy milk? I forgot that I used the rest of it yesterday. What to do? That almond milk has been there since last year, but maybe it ages well? Nope, it smells like play-Doh, so I put it back in the fridge. "Huff!" I drop my arms towards floor. It's 7:34 in the morning, and I have to leave for class at 8. Safeway is just around the corner. They have those self-check out stands, the ones that replace people. I'm super fast at those. I could be out of there in 5 minutes, 3 if I stay focused.
I throw on my slippers and jacket, then rev up my Mazda. "Please don't make that noise. Please, please, please! I promise I'll get that belt fixed if you'll stop making that high pitched screeching noise." It's getting worse. People are starting to stare and cover their ears when I drive by.
(Later at Safeway)
I'm passing down the beer, cheese and wine isle when I see it: "Lowest prices EVER for Kendall Jackson." Focus Sarah. Stay on task! I grab my soy milk and walk briskly towards the people replacers. CLOSED. All of them. I grumble and walk over to the only open register when this old lady bolts in front of me. Oh, I think to myself, go ahead. That's totally fair. She has 3 things, and I have one. One box of soy milk. It's already been at least 4 minutes and there are 5 people in front of me. A page goes over the intercom, and another cashier motions to us. "I can help the next customer over here." I heard myself say, "Go ahead" to the old Lady. She won't take long, and I'm next in line after her. In slow motion she pulls out her wallet, and starts writing a check. I kept waiting for the cashier to say, “Sorry we don't take checks". But she just stood there. Both the cashier and I are staring at the slow motion of the pen in her hands. "Is this your first time?" I wanted to say. The cashier looks up at me, "I'll be right with you"she says. "Oh it's OK". I lie. It's been like 7 minutes easily. "Have you used these checks before?" asks the cashier as she's scanning the check for the 5Th time. Of course it's not working. The cashier reaches for the phone, and there's my que to exit the line.
I'm frantically searching for an open register. Ah ha! The man is gathering his things. He's outa here. Nope, nope he’s good friends with the cashier. They're talking about his son, and something about a BBQ, and a dog, and blah blah blah. I'm laughing. Laughing feels like the only logical thing to do.
I'm up! We do that, "Hi how are you" thing Americans do, and she scans my milk. I thrust my $5 at her. Why isn't she taking my money? She's just staring at me over her glasses like I'm an idiot. "Club Card?" She says. "OH." I forgot to punch in my number. Now I'm the jerk holding up the line. The "8" on the keypad is stuck and there's like five "8's" in my phone number. The person behind me lets out a over dramatic sigh as I repeatedly punch the "8" on the key pad.
"Sorry" I say through my teeth.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
afternoon delight
I get a small lunch break between my math and sociology class. Most days I bring a salad from home, but today I had an odd craving for a veggie delight from Subway. So I get my sandwich and sit outside in the sun. I'm wearing my deep purple sleeveless shirt, jeans, rainbow flip flops and sunglasses. As I cross one leg over the other I notice a tall muscular black man strolling towards me. It's pretty obvious that he's staring at me so I say,"hi" and nod my head once. I continue to unwrap my veggie sandwich when he says,
"Mmmm that looks good" In a tone that sounds a little pornstar-ish.
"Oh, it IS" I say back.
He starts to walk away, but then hesitates. He turns back around and instead of speaking he just keeps staring at me.
It's not like I said,"would you care to take a bite?" I couldn't really enjoy my sandwich with him starting at me so I did what anyone would do:
I took a ginormous bite and started chewing with my mouth open, letting cucumber, lettuce, olives and bell peppers spill out as I chewed. HOT.
I don't think he found me attractive after that because he turned around and left.
Actually, now that I'm thinking about it...maybe he was lusting after my sandwich. Maybe he was vacillating between getting pizza or subway!
Good God, I'm vein!
"Mmmm that looks good" In a tone that sounds a little pornstar-ish.
"Oh, it IS" I say back.
He starts to walk away, but then hesitates. He turns back around and instead of speaking he just keeps staring at me.
It's not like I said,"would you care to take a bite?" I couldn't really enjoy my sandwich with him starting at me so I did what anyone would do:
I took a ginormous bite and started chewing with my mouth open, letting cucumber, lettuce, olives and bell peppers spill out as I chewed. HOT.
I don't think he found me attractive after that because he turned around and left.
Actually, now that I'm thinking about it...maybe he was lusting after my sandwich. Maybe he was vacillating between getting pizza or subway!
Good God, I'm vein!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Hooked on fonics workd 4 me.
Friday, September 24, 2004
I've come to a conclusion...grammatically. I suck at spelling. I write and write, until I pass out, but I'm still stuck in 3rd grade spelling. Like for instance (Andrew, please help.) What's the rule for words ending in ly? When do you add an e making it ely, and when do you just drop it? Is there some kind of rule, cause my mom doesn't even know. I kind of worry that no one will marry me until I learn how to spell, so on a scale of importance this is like, important.
I've been here one week and I'm already broke. I wonder if I'll be held responsible for this? I've hesitated about getting an actual job, but now I see the time to hesitate is through. That's it tomorrow I'm going job hunting and I won't come home until I have one. Ok so I'll probably end up in a bookstore drinking coffee, & pouring my eyes into some book. Maybe I should work in a coffee shop and wear my kosher coffee shop glasses? Or even better, NOT work in a coffee shop! YEAH.
I went downtown SF today with a friend of mine. So much like Toronto but prettier! Actual hills, the trolley cars that go "ding ding" reminding me of that commercial..."Rice a Roni the San Francisco treat (ding ding)". If you aren't American the chances of you knowing what I'm talking about are slim to none. Sorry. I went to that crummy college group again tonight only because it was outdoor movie night. They set up a movie screen outside with massive speakers, and we all sat on our blankets and chairs,truck beds...what have you. Tonight's movie was Pirates of the Caribbean. Some genius joker decided it would be hilarious for everyone to say,"Arrr" every time a cast member said the word "Pirate". Do you know how many freaking times the word "Pirate" was used in that movie? It was unkosher!
OH, I was really glad to see my friend Damon there tonight, until he springs on me he's about to leave for the military in 3 weeks. Why? Why does the military have to take our good men? He was nice. He laughed at my jokes. I had plans to be his friend again and now he's getting a life. Seems like everyone went and got a life while I was away. Great!
As for my life, it's a work in progress. The only classes I'm taking this semester will be history, speech(if I can get in, so please pray) and maybe volleyball just for some exercise cause it would do my body good. Milk wasn't really cutting it.
And once again I managed to talk about fluff throughout this entire entry. I used to think I was incapable of small talk, but I guess I was wrong. I'm a whole lot more shallow than I thought! I'm so proud. =)
I've been here one week and I'm already broke. I wonder if I'll be held responsible for this? I've hesitated about getting an actual job, but now I see the time to hesitate is through. That's it tomorrow I'm going job hunting and I won't come home until I have one. Ok so I'll probably end up in a bookstore drinking coffee, & pouring my eyes into some book. Maybe I should work in a coffee shop and wear my kosher coffee shop glasses? Or even better, NOT work in a coffee shop! YEAH.
I went downtown SF today with a friend of mine. So much like Toronto but prettier! Actual hills, the trolley cars that go "ding ding" reminding me of that commercial..."Rice a Roni the San Francisco treat (ding ding)". If you aren't American the chances of you knowing what I'm talking about are slim to none. Sorry. I went to that crummy college group again tonight only because it was outdoor movie night. They set up a movie screen outside with massive speakers, and we all sat on our blankets and chairs,truck beds...what have you. Tonight's movie was Pirates of the Caribbean. Some genius joker decided it would be hilarious for everyone to say,"Arrr" every time a cast member said the word "Pirate". Do you know how many freaking times the word "Pirate" was used in that movie? It was unkosher!
OH, I was really glad to see my friend Damon there tonight, until he springs on me he's about to leave for the military in 3 weeks. Why? Why does the military have to take our good men? He was nice. He laughed at my jokes. I had plans to be his friend again and now he's getting a life. Seems like everyone went and got a life while I was away. Great!
As for my life, it's a work in progress. The only classes I'm taking this semester will be history, speech(if I can get in, so please pray) and maybe volleyball just for some exercise cause it would do my body good. Milk wasn't really cutting it.
And once again I managed to talk about fluff throughout this entire entry. I used to think I was incapable of small talk, but I guess I was wrong. I'm a whole lot more shallow than I thought! I'm so proud. =)
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Sunday, October 12, 2008
Chasing pavements
Went for a walk on the trail behind my house tonight. I could jump over my fence and wade through the creek of murky water, but instead I opt to walk through my neighborhood to the public entrance like all normal people. With my itouch and key in my vest pockets I set out doing my power walk. My stumpy legs scream at me to slow down, but I press on. I don't know about you, but when I walk fast I'm not processing all the stimuli around me. I'm either focused on my breathing, or the music I'm listening to, or I'm watching the pavement for those cracks that jet upward and try to trip me. Every now and then a shiny red truck distracts me, or a strong man running without a shirt on that looked exactly like Matt Damon.
I do have a point to this story....
As I'm walking on the sidewalk I notice some men working on a driveway a few houses ahead of me. At the same time an older gentleman steps out of his shiny red truck, and heads towards the driveway. At the rate and distance we were both going a collision looked likely, so I sped up and bolted in front of him. Then I tip my head to look at the men who are smoothing down a newly paved driveway at this man's house. The paver closest to me smoothed a section down with a tool that reminded me of a shower squeegee. I became so fascinated with their precision that I wasn't watching where I was going.
Just then I felt a squish underneath my feet. I gasped and jumped back to see my giant shoe prints in the fresh pavement. "Oh no!" I yelled and covered my mouth. The older man whose pavement I just wrecked goes, "oh you're in the doghouse now!!"
"I'm so sorry!" I said over and over. For a second that's all I could think of to say. What I wanted to say was, "why don't you put up those cones!??! You know? Those bright orange cones?" But all I managed to say was “sorry”.
I watched the construction guy stand up and look at my shoe prints. I thought he was going to be pissed at me, but he just said, “It’s alright. It's not a big deal." It sounded like he really meant it too.
I didn't say another word, I just kind of ran away cause I felt like a dumb ass. I was really thankful he was so gracious to me. God bless him.
So I shook it off and started running as soon as I hit the trail. It felt effortless. I ran for at least 5 minutes without stopping or getting a stitch in my side, which is huge for me. I looked up to see two guys running towards me. "Yes!" I think to myself," they're going to think I'm a hard core runner just like them!" We exchanged smiles...you know the smile that says, "hello fellow runner" and one of the runners waved at me. Yes! I'm so cool.
I ran until they were out of sight then I bent over and threw up.
Just kidding, it wasn't like that.
I do have a point to this story....
As I'm walking on the sidewalk I notice some men working on a driveway a few houses ahead of me. At the same time an older gentleman steps out of his shiny red truck, and heads towards the driveway. At the rate and distance we were both going a collision looked likely, so I sped up and bolted in front of him. Then I tip my head to look at the men who are smoothing down a newly paved driveway at this man's house. The paver closest to me smoothed a section down with a tool that reminded me of a shower squeegee. I became so fascinated with their precision that I wasn't watching where I was going.
Just then I felt a squish underneath my feet. I gasped and jumped back to see my giant shoe prints in the fresh pavement. "Oh no!" I yelled and covered my mouth. The older man whose pavement I just wrecked goes, "oh you're in the doghouse now!!"
"I'm so sorry!" I said over and over. For a second that's all I could think of to say. What I wanted to say was, "why don't you put up those cones!??! You know? Those bright orange cones?" But all I managed to say was “sorry”.
I watched the construction guy stand up and look at my shoe prints. I thought he was going to be pissed at me, but he just said, “It’s alright. It's not a big deal." It sounded like he really meant it too.
I didn't say another word, I just kind of ran away cause I felt like a dumb ass. I was really thankful he was so gracious to me. God bless him.
So I shook it off and started running as soon as I hit the trail. It felt effortless. I ran for at least 5 minutes without stopping or getting a stitch in my side, which is huge for me. I looked up to see two guys running towards me. "Yes!" I think to myself," they're going to think I'm a hard core runner just like them!" We exchanged smiles...you know the smile that says, "hello fellow runner" and one of the runners waved at me. Yes! I'm so cool.
I ran until they were out of sight then I bent over and threw up.
Just kidding, it wasn't like that.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Hello
We all make mistakes. Sometimes we accidentally throw a black sock in with a load of whites. Or we say something that hurts the one we love most. Mistakes are inevitable. I made the mistake of deleting the blog I've poured my heart into for the last 4 years and now I'm starting over. That's all I can do...forgive myself and start over.
So here's to letting go of what was so good, and believing that the best is yet to come .
So here's to letting go of what was so good, and believing that the best is yet to come .
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Good Jorb!
There isn't a solid rule for the "ly" vs. "ely"... the problem with English is that it's an amalgamation of a ton of different languages. But really, it’s a beautiful amalgamation.
Spelling is important though. You can always use an online dictionary like dictionary.msn.com.
Glad you didn’t go out with Massage-freak-o.
Good luck with the job hunting Sarah. I’d say try something different. Like work in a music store or try and get a job at a skate shop.
thanks for the cute (albeit cursory) update Sarah.
you could always some & work in our coffee shop & stay with me Sarah :) you'd still be broke, but you could drink coffee all day !!
miss you
xx
So I've been reduced to just a friend not worth mentioning her name, eh? ;-) Suuure, dedicate a whole paragraph to a hott boy you haven't in a year who's going into the army but just mention me as your shopping pal! ;-) Lol. Totally kidding, Sar. All I mentioned in my blogg about our shopping day was the amazing clothes....goodness I loved that store!!!
Did someone just say the word "pirate"??! Rrrrrr. ;-)
ohh Sarah not a day goes by when i havent thought of you ( i think thats part of a song but which one is escaping me right now)it is very true though...you are seriously missed! how i wish i could have been there to arrrr along with you in the beautiful open air of california...the office just hasnt been the same without you.....ive been looking so long at these pictures of you that i almost believe that they're realllll.....so much love to you.....xoxox
That song you're thinkin' of is called "Not A Day Goes By" by Lonestar. :)
Jocelyn :)
My fav part of your beautifully shallow blogentry is that you fear not to get married unless you learn how to spell, so that on a scale of importance...it is, LIKE, important. LOL I'm glad you can still make me laugh, even in our long-distance relationship. See, they're liveable...we should let justin know : ) I feel a need of a little more brightness, and lightness in my life right now, so keep being shallow, ok... : )
Love ya xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxox
Hi my sweetie swede! I'm glad my shallowness blesses you. I laughed through your whole comment from beginning to end. Yes, we should let Justin know...but then again he'll probably read this eventually. Who has time for long distance friendships when you're making out with Latino girls named Alahandra. Did I say too much? Anyway, make sure you answer you phone tomorrow because I might be calling! I love you Eli!
Oh Lord...i have drunk from an oasis in the desert called "linda's brain"...now that i am actally doing a "real" job...i havent the time to let refreshing snips of random thoughts bless me as of late...oh how incredulicious it was! I long to be teleported to a land of "Ding Ding" and rolling hills...how i love the oh Sarah-ji! (courtesy of the movie Hollywood/Bollywood)
Well...i miss you and i love you! So when can you visit?? Let's write it down on ur calendar!! So...Next week is good for me...You?
SARAH I MISS YOU!!!!!!! YOU ARE SO AMAZING!!!!!!
What is TACF without the lovely smiling face of Sarah Dailey? Girl, you are such a light in the darkness. Hey, kosher is a funny word. Kosher kosher kosher. Those college group people sound . . . interesting . . . yessssss, definitely interesting. Hey guess what? I'm planning a trip down to Cali next year to visit you!!!! (and the Redding church)because everybody will not stop talking about it and there must be something good about it. All I have to do is find a car and few willing victims, I mean, ummm, friends to come with me, and I'm gonna see AMERICA!!!!!
seriously girl, you are missed here! Hey what about working in a funky kind of store like those ones that sell wood carvings and hemp?
jen-mouse
Hey Sarah, I couldn't figure out who posted on my blog. "What Sarah do I know in California"? I asked my self. But I finally figured it out. Thanks for visiting, I feel so important.
Don't worry about the spelling thing, I cannott spellt to greet aither. And I'm sure that there is some hunk of a guy that will marry you even though your spelling ain't to good, he may have a fake eye though...joking. I personally don't give a rip if my sweety to be can spell good or not, so irregardlessly, don't worry about it.